The other day, Jen from Buried with Children did a post about Mommy Guilt.
We all suffer from it, some days more than others.
Judging from the nightmare I had last night, my mommy guilt meter was at an all time high.
I woke up this morning with an awful headache, probably from sobbing my heart out into my pillow. Every time I went back to sleep, the dream just picked up from where it left off.
(Good dreams NEVER do this.)
I dreamt that Gabe was sick. Then he died in my arms. The rest of the dream was spent in the aftermath of this tragedy. I was nauseous when I finally woke up for good, to the sight of that sweet boy next to my bed, very alive and wanting his breakfast.
I grabbed him and hugged him tight. He tolerated this for a moment, then squirmed away.
Try as I might, I cannot get this dream out of my head.
You see, yesterday was a trying day with Gabe. We had company and fireworks and a cookout. He was in rare form, alternating between excited screams and tearful fits. I had to send him to his room, give him several timeouts, and threaten to put him to bed before the fireworks even began.
*sigh*
By the end of the evening, Gabe collapsed in exhaustion on the couch before our company even left, and I was ready to drown myself in Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Some days it is so darn hard to be that boy's mom.
Today, I am determined to be more patient. More loving. Less tired. Nicer. A better mom.
I pray that I succeed.
5 comments:
Oh Heather. I wish I could give you a hug.
Always good days & bad days... in everything - especially parenting! HUGS!
I will tell you though - I always heard that "death" in dreams always represents LIFE - or newness... so dont think of the dream as scary or frighening... think of it positive - a newness in your growing boy!
Oh momma guilt.
Let me just say that momma guilt never goes away!!
There are times still when I will say or do something towards the girls and then feel so guilty about it later.
When they are little like that they test you to your last nerve.
I agree with Rebecca Jo....usually death of a loved on means an end to something. Maybe it is an end to his trying behavior!!!
How well do I know this sentiment. I feel mommy guilt constantly. I'm not feeding her right, not spending enough time playing, not spending enough time edumacating, spending too much time in front of the tv, not going to the park enough, yelling too often, and on and on and on. It never ends. Know that you are so not alone in this one.
Hugs.
gurl, I feel ya! I'm just sayin'....my 2 girls make me cry lots....It's hard being a parent period.
Good parenting is the most difficult job on the planet. I'm not even sayin' I'm a good parent, but I'm exhausted from attempting it.
I'm so thankful for bloggers who I can relate to....:)
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