Close to home

I just finished up a long four-night stretch at the hospital.

It was exhausting - mentally, physically and emotionally.

I spent most of yesterday in tears.

We lost a patient to a heart condition in an unexpected moment.  She was less than fifty years old.  She left behind a husband and two daughters who are still in their teens.

Their wails of anguish when they learned of their mother's death broke our hearts.  Their feelings of guilt for not being there when she died made my heart ache for their suffering in the days to come.

It was horrible to have to witness this death, this raw grief.

It was even worse to imagine my own children being the ones left behind, should something this awful happen to me.

I held it together and gave as much emotional support as I could to these girls, until my shift was over and the next supervisor took my place.

I went to my office and teared up a little, but managed to give report, gather my things, and head for home.

But when I crawled into my bed next to my soundly-sleeping warm husband, my walls crumbled and I sobbed myself to sleep.

Nightmares invaded my six hours of restless sleep, until I finally gave up and got up out of bed, having to get ready for another night of work.

Isabel wanted to know what was wrong.  Gabe asked me why I was crying, then proceeded to tell me to "stop thinking about sad stuff".  I tried.

All the way into the hospital, I listened to a good worship CD full of TobyMac and Newsboys and Kutless.  I tried to keep a positive perspective, but all I could imagine was what those girls were going through at that moment.

The hospital kept me busy, I visited with co-workers who are blessed friends, I shared the story of the patient when asked "what happened with that code last night?".  I talked to two of the nurses that were with me, one of them being the patient's nurse that night.  We cried and talked and shared our feelings, which were exactly the same, wondering about the girls and thinking about the horror of leaving our own babies behind.

I couldn't follow Gabe's advice, but talking and processing the events of the night before started the healing process for us.  As much as our hearts ache, we have to go on and keep giving the same care (if not better) to our new patients.  Some patients and codes and sad events hit us closer to home than others, but as nurses we have to find a way to deal with our own grief and use it to make us even better at what we do.

This was one of those times.

Unique artist promo!

While in Michigan, we were lucky enough to visit a craft fair in town featuring local artists selling their wares.  There were so many different booths, filled with the friendliest people...we had a great time visiting each and every one.  (I think Gabe made at least three new friends with his exclamations of how "awesome" their creations were!).

One of my favorite artists was a woman named Jude McConkey, who featured beautiful and somewhat haunting photographs, in addition to the most amazing jewelry which contained pieces of her work.  Jude was originally from Ohio (like me) and has since transplanted to Michigan.  She has a couple of websites where you can buy her jewelry and her photographs, and I just wanted to share it with you all...seriously, she is crazy-talented!

photo by jude mcconkey

not my necklace, but another one just as pretty

Jude's photography site is:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/judemcconkey .
Her jewelry site is : http://wearableartbyjude.etsy.com .


(I'm not getting compensated in any way by posting this...just helping out a fellow crafter and sharing a place for beautiful and unique gifts for my sweet blog friends :)

A much needed vacation...

Over the past several months, I have worked and studied until I couldn't work or study anymore.  I ended up with a B in Nursing Research and Theory, which bummed me out for a second; then I packed the kids and our bags into my van and drove up north to the lakeside town of Frankfort, Michigan.

It was a much needed break from the fast-paced life we'd been living...we stayed with friends and had the time of our life.

We visited art galleries and craft fairs and the local Solstice festival (which was QUITE the experience).

 We had fun at the beach (even though the water in Lake Michigan was FREEZING).

Emily and Isabel got along famously!

 We enjoyed the beautiful weather...60's to 70's every single day.

Sometimes we ate at the local restaurants, sometimes we stayed in our "Birdhouse" and cooked...

Remember, I said it was an "artsy" town.  The kids LOVED the mermaid :)

I held the sunset in the palm of my hand.

And then captured at least one hundred shots of that same sunset on my camera...

We had many firsts:  boating, kayaking, fishing, water trampolining...

and even fireworks right on the beach.

Watch out for the "Fancy Locomotive"!

The little lighthouse in the bay made a great photo op...

Elijah turned thirteen while we were there, and celebrated with a steak dinner with his buddy, Sam.

These two girls are the next in line for teenager-hood...sigh.

Thanks so much to my sweet friend, Diane, for inviting us along on this trip and helping to make so many great memories for our family.

If only vacation could last just a little bit longer...