Gabe is so used to being in trouble, sometimes he puts himself in time-out.
When it's just me and Gabe at home, he is very well-behaved. He listens to me, helps me around the house, has fun playing on his own or doing puzzles or scrapbooking with me.Then the kids come home from school. And he wants to be the center of attention. Don't get me wrong; he is not instantly ignored the moment Elijah and Isabel walk in the door. They talk to him and play with him until he starts getting wild. And wild he gets. To the point where no one can stand it, and he ends up getting sent to his room.
Sigh.
Sunday, while at church, Gabe was in rare form. Ornery as all get-out in Sunday School for his teacher, loud and wiggly during the first part of the church service, and being generally disruptive with his bad behavior. The thing is, we had talked that morning about our "plan" for church (he has been wild in Sunday School for the last couple of weeks). There are two other boys in his class, and when the three of them get together, it is awful. I know boys will be boys and all, but come kindergarten and beyond, Gabe is going to have to figure it out. Anyway, our plan consisted of this: if Gabe was able to be a good listener to his Sunday School teacher, participate in the class activity and not get in trouble with his friends, then he would get to play his DS and have a snack during the first part of church (which is aimed at the adults). Needless to say, he did NOT uphold his part of the plan; therefore, he did not get his reward.
I'm at a loss. Positive discipline, consequences/rewards, even the occasional meeting with the spanking spoon...nothing is working lately. My patience is wearing thin. I don't want him to have a bad school experience, being labeled as "hyperactive" at an early age, but I don't know what to do to help him.
To make matters worse, when he does get punished for his bad behavior, he knows exactly how to twist the knife of guilt and make me feel horrible. The other day, while being confined in his room for an hour before dinner, he drew a special picture just for me, with a heart on it "so you could love me again".
Jeez.
I hugged him and told him I always love him, even when I'm angry, but I'm sure that makes no sense to a five-year-old boy. Mad=hate; nice=love in his point of view.
Anyone else have a child like Gabe? Any words of wisdom for this desperate mom?
9 comments:
Hayden pushes my buttons like this too. I wish I could tell you the secret to being immune but I don't know it.
Madalyn KNOWS how to manipulate a situation. She knows how to push my buttons and get a reaction. Maybe not the reaction she is looking for, but a reaction nonetheless. We have talked to her about loving her no matter what...but that does not mean that I love the way she acts. And part of growing up is learning how to behave - and discipline is part of learning. Sometimes when I am at my wits end, I ask her what would help her to remember...what would help her learn to behave.
I am sure she'll be in therapy for it one day...but I just do the best I can :-)
Essie is my button pusher, and my guilt tripper. I won't give her that control. I know she in knows that in NO WAY do I ever stop loving her, so those little notes and stuff are PURELY a control tactic. When she gives them to me, I just say thank you and set them aside. I don't go one way or the other with them.
What kind of physical activity does Gabe get each day? I'm sure you being who you are, he gets lots, but maybe he needs even more??? What about some diet changes?? I know Mr. B's son has some behavior issues and they're looking at some food allergies as possible culprits.
Hang in there sweetie. Keep calm, be consistent, and know that we're always here to listen when you get to the end of that rope.
The absolute best advice I can give you is this.
Set firm rules. Set firm consequences.
Always always always follow through. Never ever give in.
The best book I ever read was 123 Magic.
I wish I would have read it sooner.
I didn't always follow my own advice.
I pay the price for those moments every single day.
You should write a book about all you learn! :)
I had to crack up at the idea of him in a corner & then you took his picture!!! That's a blogging mom right there!!!
Yes Heather, I do have a child like that. He is now 12 and I don't have any more effective strategies than I did then. When he is the only child around, he is an angel, but put him with others and the buttons are pushed and HOW. He is also a master manipulator when it comes to me. I spend a lot of my time in tears when he says something about me loving my other kids more than him. I truly don't but that boy knows what buttons to push.
When he makes a remark like that, I just tell him that one day his therapist will get rich from his problems caused by me, his problem mother. What can you do?
He goes to time out on his own? That is one well-trained kid!
We're not quite there yet, but I predict Sophie has a big future in manipulating her poor, sappy mother.
chocolate. lots of it.
and maybe a little wine.
Just keep on doing what you're doing. He will (hopefully) get it soon....like you said, he is 5!
Oh and be consistent....and when he gives you lovely pictures...look at it and set it down....say thank you but don't make a big ordeal about it and hug him. He'll think...oh, mom punishes me...I draw her a picture...she feels bad and I'm not in trouble anymore.
Good Luck.
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