Heartache

The other night, I received a call from the senior resident doctor, needing an intensive care bed for a patient on the oncology unit.

One of my jobs is coordinating the placement of patients onto the appropriate unit for their needed level of care. The doctor explains what is going on with the patient, and we decide on the best place together.  We have three ICU's and a variety of other units. We care for the occasional child who comes through the ER doors, but mostly take care of adults.

When the R-3 (third year resident doctor) needs a different bed for a patient, it almost always means their health is declining rapidly and they need a spot in the ICU right now.

I've done this job for two years now, and have gotten this call many times.  I take down the name, find the right bed, coordinate the transfer between the two units, and follow-up to make sure the patient gets to where they need to go in the least amount of time.  Often, I help with notifying the patient's family of their status and helping them find the new unit.

This is my job, and I do it almost automatically now.  Sometimes, though, a particular situation stops me in my tracks.

This night, the patient who needed an ICU bed was a 42 year old woman with breast cancer which had spread to her liver and lungs.  She weighs 90 pounds.  She is a wife.  She is a mother to a 2 year old.  A 2 year old who will probably never remember his mom, as her body is not responding to the chemotherapy and she will most likely not live to see the end of this year, and maybe not even the end of this week.

Although she is at the end of her battle, she refuses to stop fighting.  She is still a "full code", meaning we will try everything in our medical arsenal when her body gives in.  As a nurse, this is so hard to do; as a mother, I understand completely why she's not ready to give up.

And these conflicting emotions make my heart ache.

Why I love Ohio

Could you ask for a better weather forecast to usher in September?

Seriously, this is why I love Ohio.  Some days in the 90s to get you good and hot and tired of summer; followed by a good thunderstorm (and hopefully rain) which will bring those gorgeous fall-like days in the 70s (perfect for the planting of my mums, by the way).

Joe and I were discussing our "dream retirement location" yesterday...but I have to say the changing of the seasons of our current home are hard to beat.

What's the weather like where you are?  What's your dream retirement location?

What, it's over?!

It won't officially be autumn for another month, but it already feels like the fun part of summer is over...

And though I was crazy-insane-tothebreakingpoint-busy with school and work these past few months, we did manage to make plenty of great memories in between the madness.

We celebrated Mamaw Kay's birthday with food and euchre and the love of her grandbabies...

We watched the Reds beat the Giants with Elijah's baseball team...

(I'm gonna miss my fellow baseball mom, Chelle, like crazy...our boys won't be playing together next year :(

I squeezed in a short overnight trip to Chicago for my friend, Monica's, 40th birthday.  We drank and laughed and talked and laughed until our abs were sore and our cheeks hurt from all of that smiling!

Diane and I before our night out on the town.

Visit with the cow at Fair Oaks Farm on our long drive home.

The birthday girl with our hilarious waitress.

And all of a sudden, my clinicals were finished, teachers were announced, and the kids went back to school  (Elijah is too cool for the annual "first day" pics...so sad).

However, look at this girl of mine, eleven years old and entering sixth grade.  Sigh...

And this boy, who turned seven on the 27th and celebrated with a Lego birthday party full of gifts from our wonderful friends and family.  I love the picture that Joe captured at just the right moment!

I just looked at my calendar for the week, and it is completely blank until work on Friday.  Did you read that?  BLANK.  Exactly what I need to recover from an over-the-top summer.

Do you consider summer to be over on September 22nd, after Labor Day, or when school starts?  What do you do when your calendar is blank?

The night-shift debate

Staying up all night...

it's cool when you're a kid, a rite of passage to be able to stay awake til morning at the sleepover party.

it's no big deal when you're in college, having to pull an all-nighter to study for that final exam.

it's a necessary evil when you're a new mom, getting up all night long with your new baby for feedings and diaper changes and lullabies.

it's a due you have to pay as a new nurse, working the shift that no one else wants.

Being a part of the "night-shift club" at the hospital was something I never thought I would enjoy.  The disturbance to my Circadian rhythm, working from 7pm to 7:30am then driving my tired self home to attempt to sleep while the sun was shining did not sound appealing, but the $4/hour shift differential helped ease the pain when I was young.  Every single night was a struggle back then (I was twenty years old), and I often dreamed of "graduating" to day shift.

After several years, I finally achieved that goal.  I worked a few day shifts, then quickly realized that night shift suited my life much more.  Sounds crazy, but here's why:

When I worked days, I left my house before the kids woke up.  I didn't get home until 8 or 8:30pm (on a good day), and they were getting ready for bed at that point.  Yes, we got to be in the same house while we were sleeping, but I missed an entire day of their lives.  Not worth it.

When I worked days, I missed my "night shift peeps" so much!  There is a camaraderie on nights that you just don't find on days.  Having to rely on each other in a crisis because there are fewer staff around, bonding over coffee during the witching hour of 3am, going out for breakfast in the morning to decompress after a particularly bad night...these were things I just didn't experience when working that "normal" shift.

Last night, during the 3am witching hour when our bodies told us to sleep but our bosses said we couldn't, some of my fellow night shift nurses and I discussed this night shift debate.  Is it worth it to leave the extra pay and the great people, just to get a full nights' sleep?  Most all of us (the moms, especially) answered a resounding NO.

I may be crazy, but I think I just may be a night-shifter for life.

What about you?  Ever pulled an all-nighter?  Worked the "graveyard shift"?  What would you give up for a full nights' sleep?

Today, I...

Today, I went to a new church with Joe and the kids.  I think we may have found a new church home.

Today, I spent time with a friend who needed a kind ear and a creative eye.  She's planning a wedding, going to school for her Master's, and working full-time.  Overwhelmed much?  We poured over invitation books and brainstormed some ideas.  I love being blessed with so many great friends.

Today, I went back-to-school shopping with this girl.  She is such a pleasure to be around, and I am proud to be her mom.  I thank God for my daughter.

Today, I walked for miles with my mother-in-law, talking and listening and laughing out loud.  I am blessed.

Today, I felt happy and grateful for my life, full of kids and work and school and friends and family.  What was your today like?

A shout-out

Giving a little shout out to Joe, who just finished the kids' bathroom remodel.

Head over to his blog, Vista Tile and Remodel for a sneak peek.  Leave him some love, would you?

(And if you're in the need for some remodeling or tiling work, give him a shout!)

August Already?

Here it is, the last month of summer vacation.  In less than three weeks, Elijah will be starting school, and Isabel and Gabe will be right behind him.

It's bittersweet.  I will miss them, but I will be glad for the return of a routine and the end of "I'm bored" mutterings.  I will tire quickly of packing three lunches a day, but I will be grateful for a quiet house in the middle of the day when I am trying to sleep after a night shift.

We still have lots of plans to get us through the month.  Birthdays for Joe and Gabe.  End of season baseball party for Elijah, and the beginning of fall baseball practices.  End of clinicals for me, with a month-long break before my second-to-last quarter begins.  A trip to Chicago to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday.  Lots to cram in to three short weeks; sure hope it all works out as planned!

How's your August shaping up?