is such a hard age.
Being a "tween" can be difficult, especially for a boy.
Elijah has been struggling lately. He is very smart, and is in the gifted program at school (has been since the third grade). All the kids know he is the "smart kid", and sometimes he takes crap for this. He has worn glasses since kindergarten, and he thinks this makes him "geeky". Yesterday, he told me he wants to drop out of the gifted program. I told him absolutely not. I don't want him to give in to this peer pressure, but I do need to figure out how to give him skills to survive the teasing and still build his self esteem. My heart breaks for him.
I've said it before, but Elijah is an incredible baseball player. He is a lefty pitcher, and has a head for the game that amazes both me and Joe. His teammates love him, as do his coaches. He loves playing baseball, and would do it year-round, if he could. His dream is to play for the big leagues.
Last night, I was trying to encourage him by emphasizing his athletic abilities. He started to cry, saying why should he bother, when he probably won't even make the school team next year because he's not good enough.
Oh.My.Word.
I hugged him and told him how good I thought he was. How someday his brains and personality will take him far, even if baseball doesn't. It may have helped a little, but I'm just the mom. How do I build up more self-confidence in a kid that's so hard on himself?
Help...
10 comments:
Not easy.
I know I'm in the minority, but I am not a fan of the gifted program. I hate the term and even more so I despise the pressure it puts on children when in the end it amounts to nothing. But that's me and my big corporate college recruiting past coming into play.
Kids have to handle the ugly stuff on their own unfortunately. We can only attempt to give them the tools to do so. Sending prayers and hugs to you & Elijah.
Keep on loving him at home. Give him that safe place where he can totally be him.
12 does suck sometimes. And he's unfortunately seeing that kids will pick on kids for pretty much any reason. My mom always told me to "make the joke first" (of course most of my teasing resulted from my last name)... I credit a lot of my personality now to learning how to deal with those dumb kids then.
It's so hard to watch our kids struggle, isn't it? Essie's going through a hard time (and about to go through a harder time but I just don't know how to break that to her)... I wish it could be me.
Big hugs to you. It ain't easy.
Sometimes I wonder how we all made it out of our childhoods; the teasing, bullying and sadness. I think Lizzy is right -- give him a safe place to be him, and love him. Where is the magic wand when you need it? Hang in there. You are a terrific Mom, and that will help him the most. :)
Aw, poor E.
And poor Mom! It's tough to watch our kids suffer.
HUGS to you!
Oh, man, this breaks my heart. I am so not ready for conversations like these.
The only things I can think of to tell him are things like, "Smart guys always get the girls in the end" and "Girls will think your glasses are sexy one day, just wait." And I don't think those are appropriate just yet! See, I'm going to fail at parenting a tween! =>
Like Stacia, I'm not ready for these kinds of parenting challenges. I do know though that you are and that you are probably already doing all the right things. He knows you love him and that you are in his corner.
I have a real soft spot for left-handed pitchers (my dad and the older of my two brothers). They are always the GOOD GUYS!
man... that age is SOOOO hard... getting in those teen years...
Keep giving him that encouragement! Even if you dont think, or if even he doesnt act like it - THEY ARE IMPORTANT!!!! So many children dont have parents that encourage... they just PUSH... so keep telling him how much you think of him & how awesome he is.
But I would really encourage others to let him know too. You'd be surprised that just ONE person, probably someone you dont even think would hold that much weight in their opinions, can make a difference... if they just tell him how well they think he's doing - with the brains & the sports - just to keep letting him know he's doing a good job - it can make a world of difference.... someone from church? An uncle? Teacher?
Oh Lady - you're just at the beginning too... wait until the teen years hit with ALLLLLLL that pressure... its tough being a mom! :)
Those years are so hard. Even for the luckiest of kids, middle school sucks. I wish there were a way to fast forward through that time, ease the hardships. I love what Rebecca Jo said. I have an aunt who took a special interest in me as a kid and it really meant a lot to me. Perhaps an extra, outside voice telling him just how awesome he is would make a difference for him. Hugs, dear friend, I can only imagine how hard this is for you.
oh.... this just breaks my heart.
there is only one solution. on your knees in prayer. let God work where we as moms never can.
Rough stuff. For you and for him. I fear similar for my oldest boy -- he's already so sensitive and perceptive, even in kindergarten. We had an exchange last week that nearly broke my heart, and am still not sure it was something true, or if he was exaggerating. Chose to treat it lightly, rather than make a big deal, but am still wondering if I said the right thing. I was super hard on myself and it always helped when my parents were very verbal about the fact that they did not expect as much from me as I did myself.
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